~of an average, ordinary, everyday, sane, psycho, supergoddess~

January 15th.  Because it’s quite a beautiful thing.

January 15th. Because it’s quite a beautiful thing.

mybellarina:

lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE

I’m getting eternal sunshine of a spotless mind vibes and idunno how i feel about it

mybellarina:

lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE

I’m getting eternal sunshine of a spotless mind vibes and idunno how i feel about it

SEPARATED

God I haven’t been on here in ages. I just didn’t know what to say because things were so bad. The abuse was worse and worse and daily. This was supposed to be my record and my place to vent but I was holding it all in for some reason. Shame I guess. Embarrassment.

I’m totally humiliated I have let someone treat me this way for so long. I just felt like there was no escape since I’m so sick and had no income and because I’m so scared he will kill either me or me and my son like he threatens almost daily.

Well I finally got disability but it’s not really enough. Plus, there’s still the fact he is insane. But it all came to a head yesterday when after days and days of fighting my dreams came true. He said he wants to separate. I am going to try to get a house in a town that is about 4 hours away and cost of living is less there. He can see us on the weekends.

I knew I had to let it be his idea. Next I hope he finds someone new and wants a divorce. If its his idea he’s not gonna go crazy and try to kill me for leaving him.

I have plans. Things are looking up.

Stuck

So I came back. I really don’t have much choice right now and I don’t want to go into it or explain myself right now either. It’s been tough but things have been much better than before. Then there are nights like tonight where he’s drunk and being manipulative, emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, and throwing/slamming things around. Nothing he says makes sense it’s just all mean and horrible. On top of it all I’m sick, have a high fever and feel awful. It never occurs to him to take care of me or even help me out and the only acknowledgement of my illness at all is when he tells me move away from him because my fever is making him uncomfortably hot and yells at me for “letting my fever get so high” then says I must just like being sick because I’m sick all the time. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand him. God can not want me to live my life this way. He can’t want my son to grow up with this around him. I just pray that either He will work some miracle and change my husband completely or provide me a way to get out and keep my son safe with me.

PS now he is throwing up all over MY side of the bathroom and all over MY stuff. Left it all and has come back to go to sleep and of course I’m supposed to clean it up. Stupid drunken asshole.

What am I doing?

I came back to give him another chance like he begged for and because my parents are remodeling their house and there is nowhere else for me to go.

And it’s all the same. He is getting mad and yelling and cussing at me and we have been fighting all night because of what…. I don’t know.

Because I’m upset that his parents are accusing me of stealing thousands of dollars from them and telling everyone they know and I have proof I didn’t steal anything (if I had would I be HERE??? Hell no)

Because I’m upset I never did anything wrong yet he told me he told his parents he didn’t love me but he is trying to make things work for our son.

Because I’m upset that he’s in tight with his parents and instead of sticking up for me he just goes along with them.

But he says I’m wrong and I need to let it go and move on. He says he was starting to feel love for me but now he doesn’t and he was starting to be on my side but now he is on theirs.

This is how it all starts again. I’m bawling my eyes out and he doesn’t care. He’s yelling for me to be quiet because he is tired since he had to work (like I’m not tired and I did nothing all day… Total bs)

My bruises from where he hit me with the iron baby gate he ripped out of the wall aren’t even gone yet and I’m back here … Wtf am I doing?

I hate my life. I hate him and his awful family. All I’ve ever done is be a good kind loving person so why do they all hate me so badly? Why doesn’t anyone love me?

OMG!!! What’s it been a couple of days and my mom just called all grouchy saying they need to talk to me tonight about me getting a job! FUCK everyone who doesn’t believe how sick I am nothing will convince them because they cant SEE it. bloodwork and drs won’t even prove it to them.

Looks even worse today.  :(

Looks even worse today. :(

I did it.  I left.  He went insane today and ripped a metal baby gate out of the wall and threw it at me.  This is me after that.  He called me all sorts of horrible things.  

Poor baby was in the middle of it all screaming, “stop it Daddy stop it” and crying.  I grabbed him up and left.  


We are at my parents house tonight.  We may lose everything, but we are safe and my child will never witness anything horrible like that again.

*didnt mean to make numerous posts of this … My phone app kept messing up.

I did it. I left. He went insane today and ripped a metal baby gate out of the wall and threw it at me. This is me after that. He called me all sorts of horrible things. Poor baby was in the middle of it all screaming, “stop it Daddy stop it” and crying. I grabbed him up and left. We are at my parents house tonight. We may lose everything, but we are safe and my child will never witness anything horrible like that again.

*didnt mean to make numerous posts of this … My phone app kept messing up.

I did it. I left him.